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The Love Dare: Day 1

  • Thank you for joining us in The Love Dare! I pray that you will be blessed and that going through this will be a vital part of your growth in your relationships and in your walk with the Lord. As an additional resource, Guideposts has generously provided us with their resource, "Strength for Relationships". If you go to the page, you can either read it online, or download the PDF. Thank you for being here and I look forward to your thoughts during this 40-day journey!

     

    Day 1

    Love is Patient

     Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, 
    bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV

    Love works. It is life’s most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful with it. No marriage is successful without it.

    Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes. And that’s where your dare will begin. With patience.

    Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper. Rather than being restless and demanding, love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those around you. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm.

    No one likes to be around an impatient person. It causes you to overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways. The irony of anger toward a wrongful action is that it spawns new wrongs of its own. Anger almost never makes things better. In fact, it usually generates additional problems. But patience stops problems in their tracks. More than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. It stops foolishness from whipping its scorpion tail all over the room. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.

    If your spouse offends you, do you quickly retaliate, or do you stay under control? Do you find that anger is your emotional default when treated unfairly? If so, you are spreading poison rather than medicine.

    Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief. You don’t get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives.

    Patience, however, makes us wise. It doesn’t rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience stands in the doorway where anger is clawing to burst in, but waits to see the whole picture before passing judgment. The Bible says, “He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29).

    As sure as a lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peace and quiet. “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute” (Proverbs 15:18). Statements like these from the Bible book of Proverbs are clear principles with timeless relevance. Patience is where love meets wisdom. And every marriage needs that combination to stay healthy.

    Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.

    But can your spouse count on having a patient wife or husband to deal with? Can she know that locking her keys in the car will be met by your understanding rather than a demeaning lecture that makes her feel like a child? Can he know that cheering during the last seconds of a football game won’t invite a loud-mouthed laundry list of ways he should be spending his time? It turns out that few people are as hard to live with as an impatient person.

    What would the tone and volume of your home be like if you tried this biblical approach: “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another” (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

    Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationships. That’s a good starting point to demonstrate true love.

    This Love Dare journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to possess is patience. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it’s a race worth running.

    Today's Dare

    The first part of this dare is fairly 
    simple. Although love is communicated
    in a number of ways, our words often
    reflect the condition of our heart. For
    the next day, resolve to demonstrate
    patience and to say nothing negative
    to your spouse at all. If the temptation
    arises, choose not to say anything. It’s
    better to hold your tongue than to say 
    something you’ll regret.

     Click here to buy a copy of the Love Dare book.

      

    If you have not seen the movie Fireproof, then you probably should. It will help you get into the spirit of it and inspire you. You can watch it right here at RHM for free:

    Watch the Fireproof Movie for free

     

    Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group. Used by permission. Unauthorized reproduction in any format is strictly prohibited by law.

     

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47 comments
  • 4
Trish Hicks
Trish Hicks Today will be a challenge, i have tried tried starting this once already, but my husband wouldn't coperate in one days dare y'all will see what i  mean when we get to it. But i would really like to do this all the way through.
February 1, 2016
  • 4
Lisa Mathson
Lisa Mathson Hi Trish, I haven't even told my spouse I am doing this. I decided I can't make him change but he can't keep me from changing either, so God and I, well we're in this together. :-) Woe be unto mu husband!    Best wishes to you, and blessings on your day!
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Cheryl Hepler
Cheryl Hepler Love honesty
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd Hi Trish :), Lisa is correct, you don't have to do it with your husband, though that's nice if he would. The process is to work on ourselves, be an inspiriation to our spouses, and be part of the work that God is doing in our lives. I pray that the Lord will do a mighty work for all who are participating!
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Dion Todd
Dion Todd They don't have to know, or cooperate. It may better if they don't know about it. This is a life style change for yourself. If you complete the forty days, then you will be a better person, and they will be a lucky one to have you. 
February 1, 2016
  • 1
Cheryl Hepler
Cheryl Hepleredited: February 1, 2016 Sooo agree.  I feel I will know then if I am working at it by whatever gift of something I see.
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Angela Laylin
Angela Laylin I've been very disappointed in the past also trying to get my husband to do this with me. Asking God to help us focus on the only person we have the ability to change!  Ourselves! 
February 1, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd It's ok, Angela, we will pray with you and for both of you <3!
February 1, 2016
  • 0
<i>Deleted Member</i>
Deleted Member Amen
February 1, 2016- Edit- Delete
  • 3
Lisa Mathson
Lisa Mathson Everything I know about God has shown me when we pray for someone to change they will but it has always began with me. Today's Love Dare is a great place to begin especially for me. Preparing my heart for change. <3
February 1, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd That is exactly right, Lisa! God is equally interested in both people involved and doesn't want anything less than the best for both!
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Dion Todd
Dion Todd That is true Lisa, often they are just a mirror.
February 1, 2016
  • 3
Janet Clary
Janet Clary Patience is one of the hardest emotions to handle and perform.  We are but human yet we can speak a firey wrath of words in a matter of seconds.  Patience is necessary for me to accomplish and from this day on, " A New Journey Begins".
February 1, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd Amen, Janet! Many times, just "counting to ten" or waiting a few minutes can defuse the situation.
February 1, 2016
  • 0
<i>Deleted Member</i>
Deleted Member Amen.
February 1, 2016- Edit- Delete
  • 2
Dion Todd
Dion Todd A New Journey Begins. I like that.  :)
February 1, 2016
  • 0
<i>Deleted Member</i>
Deleted Member Amen, I like that too, A New Journey Begins.
February 1, 2016- Edit- Delete
  • 1
<i>Deleted Member</i>
Deleted Member Amen, and Jesus will help you on your new journey. God bless you. Love you bunches.
February 1, 2016- Edit- Delete
  • 3
Mary Pat Taylor
Mary Pat Tayloredited: February 1, 2016 Anger can also be a defense against a perceived threat, as well as coming from being hurt.  That's usually when I get angry, it's my defense.  I think asking God to protect me rather than letting my anger protect me may help me to be more patient.  I can really relate to the football game analogy! I've been cheering and clapping for a sporting event before, only to have my boyfriend tell me to stop, because they can't hear you anyway.:(   
February 1, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd Sis, we're only human and anger will happen. I believe the idea of this first challenge is to break what can be a pattern of negativity, anger, sarcasm, etc. It's not that we will never be angry, because I doubt if that's possible. One of the later posts talks about different types of anger, including righteous anger.    On the sporting events, yes, that's sad that he can't allow you to enjoy something, even though it's not something he cares about. I pray that this process will cause a work in his heart, but whatever the case, I pray that you will come out of it stronger, closer to God, with vision and open doors to His path for you <3!
February 1, 2016
  • 1
Mary Pat Taylor
Mary Pat Taylor Well, it is a pattern, though I've actually been working on breaking it and the Lord has helped me with this.  It's an easy pattern to get into when my boyfriend has a pattern of acting domineering and treating me like I'm something less.  He's a little better, but after 5 years that's not a huge change. At this point, I'm just waiting for the Lord to show me when to move on. I really am doing this challenge alone. 
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd I know that you are not in the right place, sis <3. I would mostly think of this challenge as something for you, to apply to the future.
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Mary Pat Taylor
Mary Pat Taylor Ya, that's the way I'm looking at it. :)
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Dion Todd
Dion Todd It is always best when you have waited and examined the situation from all sides before blurting out something stupid, that was wrong and uncalled for. We do not watch a lot of football but we do laugh all the way through comedy shows regularly and I can hardly imagine someone telling us to stop...   :)
February 1, 2016
  • 4
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd Welcome to the first day of the 40-day Love Dare! I pray that the Lord blesses us through this time with patience, with His vision for our lives and helps each lesson sink into our hearts, as well as into the hearts of our loved ones, in the name of Jesus!
February 1, 2016
  • 1
<i>Deleted Member</i>
Deleted Member This was such an awesome idea, God bless you for thinking of this. 
February 1, 2016- Edit- Delete
  • 2
Julie Schneider
Julie Schneider Thank you so much for doing this!  We are having fun on the first day!
February 2, 2016
  • 3
Angela Laylin
Angela Laylin I'm so excited to start this journey again, I've tried to do this dare on my own about 10 times. Thankful to have christian brothers and sisters to make the journey with this time. This morning I'm praying for a new heart flowing with patience and love for my husband. Also praying for God's blessings on our journey to learn God's most important lesson to us....LOVE! 
February 1, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd Amen, Angela! I think that's wonderful that you are trying it again after that many times. I pray that the Lord will bless you both and that He honors your faith and sacrifice, in the name of Jesus!
February 1, 2016
  • 3
David and Dianna Wyles
David and Dianna Wyles What a great way to start our challenge! Patience is something we all can work on, it's so true! My husband and I thank you for providing a real guide and challenge to love each other and others better. Looking forward to amazing changes to an already great relationship! Blessings and patience to you all today:) 
February 1, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd Aww, that is so great that you are both doing it together! I know y'all will be blessed :)!
February 1, 2016
Comment deleted
  • 3
Cheryl Hepler
Cheryl Hepler Love it all.  Yes I need to put this in action.  For I am guilty as charged.  Want not have buttons pushed & reaction in off cuff irritations.  Perfect I will not be yet strive I desire.  Purchased nk too.  Thanks.  Dion & Sylvia.  Pray you are both blessed in your dare walk!!:)
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd For sure, none of us are perfect, Cheryl, we will move forward together!
February 1, 2016
  • 2
Dion Todd
Dion Toddedited: February 1, 2016 If you have not seen the movie "Fireproof" then you really should. It will help you get into the spirit. You can watch it right here at RHM for free: http://www.refreshinghope.org/pages/freechristianmovies
February 1, 2016
  • 3
Julie Schneider
Julie Schneider we love this movie and watched it again before the challenge!  This is such a wonderful challenge and we are having fun already.....tight traffice, long lines, short tempered clerks...we are praticing Patience with everyone!
February 2, 2016
  • 2
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd Haha, oh yeah, He will certainly give us opportunities for patience :).
February 2, 2016
  • 2
<i>Deleted Member</i>
Deleted Member I am truly blessed by a very patient and kind husband, that always looks out for what is best for me, he is always slow to anger, he doesn't like arguing with anyone about anything, he loves peace and calmness and that is how our home has been for  the almost 35 years we have been married, we have disagreed of course on somethings, but we always come to an understanding that it is okay to agree to disagree, that we are two individual people with different takes on things, but we always work through the differences in a Godly way, so as to show love and patience with each other. I am truly blessed.
February 1, 2016- Edit- Delete
  • 2
<i>Deleted Member</i>
Deleted Member Roy and I are doing The Love Dare together. We are both blessed to have each other, it takes a lot for either of us to become angry or upset. Jesus has taught us patience through a lot of storms that life has throwed our way. When we see others that we know truly love each other, but seem to be at each other all the time, we pray for them, and we try to show patience to them and any others that might cross our paths, like the cashier at the store, the over worked nurse, the bank tellers or anyone that we come across that is having a bad day, that their patience has worn thin, we try to let Jesus shine in our lives to them, because we don't know what they might be facing, they could be losing their home, or their job, they could have a sick child, or parent or spouse, no matter how others act, we try to still act, pleasing to God, because who knows when that one person you show kindness to, might come to know Jesus as their Savior. 
February 1, 2016- Edit- Delete
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd That is awesome that y'all are doing it together, Tammy, may the Lord bless you both <3!
February 2, 2016
  • 2
Brigette Taylor
Brigette Tayloredited: February 3, 2016 I am not married, but I am still going to do the Love Dare. I can use this with my kids. They are good kids but some days when I get home from work, it can be a warzone in our home...
February 3, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd Brigette, yes! The Love Dare can definitely be used on loved ones other than a spouse. I pray that He will bless you and your family with grace as you go through this challenge <3!
February 3, 2016
  • 2
Brigette Taylor
Brigette Taylor Thank you so much!!! God bless you too!
February 3, 2016
  • 2
Deborah Alexander
Deborah Alexander This is so Awesome I'm loving it
February 3, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd So glad it has been blessing to you, Deborah :)!
February 3, 2016
  • 2
Debi Burton
Debi Burton Awesome! I love it, very educational....... I really enjoyed it ..... Looking forward to read more. 
February 29, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd So glad you found it helpful, Debi! If you want to go through each day, you should be able to click the "Next" link at the bottom of each post, at least for a while. I am not quite caught up with those links, but hope to be soon ;-).
February 29, 2016