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by Sylvia Todd in General Questions about July 20, 2016 open - report

How Do We Forgive?

I saw this quote today and thought it was interesting food for thought and discussion: "If you're forgiving somebody who is still abusing you, then maybe you're not forgiven them but enabling them. Forgiveness is birth out of self-control not out of being controlled. It's a gift you give. Not a tool to stay manipulated." (Carlos Rodriguez). While, thank God, I have not been abused, I thought this idea could be expanded into the entire question of forgiving those who are not "sorry", and continue to do the things they should be sorry for. If a person has and continues to abuse, to lie, to steal, etc, how do we best integrate forgiveness with boundaries? 

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    by Linda Martin about July 24, 2016

    I believe you hit the word "enabling" as key here. It is unfortunate that people in abusive situation's becomes to consumed with 'trying to please' the person to prevent the abuse to happen again that it can become almost an addictive nature. My sister went through this for a number of years, through mental and physical abuse, her abuser made her believe she wasn't good enough so she was made to believe it was "always her fault". Physical abuse ultimately becomes mental abuse and where the victim feels they have forgiven their abuser I believe it is only because they feel they only abused them because ultimately it was their own fault. It is very sad vicious circle. It took many years for her to break away from her abuser and now because of it she suffers such a low self-esteem and struggles on an emtional mental level. As for the best to integrate forgiveness with boundaries, I think you have to ultimately remove yourself from the situation entirely. It will take great strength in doing so but it can be done with support from others and many many prayers.

    Just my thoughts on the topic....:)

    1 comment
    • Sylvia Todd
      by Sylvia Todd
      July 25, 2016

      Great thoughts, Linda, thank you!

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