This is just Me!

     Today I do not have a scripture to share as this is going to be a very personal blog post unlike all my others, so I hope any that read this do not mind. Today, God has placed me in a new job as a HR Manager in a completely different state away from all I have ever known. It has always been my heart’s desire from my youth to 'help people'. After working in housing for many years, my desires became a bit more fined tuned. I realized I wanted to help people help themselves and what better position to do that is helping people in the working environment. In previous years, working in housing mentally, physically and emotionally drained me because I allowed myself to become a crutch to many individuals and I felt I had to fix every ones problems. So when my spouse and I moved from the only home state of Virginia I have ever known and God placed me back in Housing, needless to say, I was devastated. However; I quickly learned God had me there for a reason and I obeyed him by keeping my head down and kept going.

     Then after many years of dreaming, before I realized it, God has me in the position of my dreams. I have held positions in Accounting/Human Resources roles at the same time, however; I have always had the desire to work in a true HR department. I never would have thought I would be in a position in HR that I only had 'myself' to rely on. In my previous employment roles I could always go to someone to help guide me along. Today, I find myself in a position where others are looking to me for the right way of doing things. This is my current struggle. Please do not get me wrong as God has blessed me to my amazement but at the same time I am very frightened. It is my nature to run away when I become scared thus the reason of why I have missed Virginia so much lately. I want to run. I want to run back to where I knew what I was doing with confidence with the people I know. Even though in my heart I would be dreaming of having a job of what I have today. I want to go back to my comfort zone. It has taken me awhile to do some soul searching and through my journey's I believe this thick head of mine finally understands things a little better or at least for the moment.

     One thing for sure, God will keep me on my toes to teach me things along the way in this thing called My Life. I love the position but it is very challenging to me and my confidence is way low. It is because of the of the person I am, I question if I can do this job and I pray very hard every day that God teach me what I need to know. When I look back at where I have been in life to where I am now, I know and understand I do not have to run but I can trust him through it all.

     At the end of the day, my mind is exhausted. I pray every day God helps me to understand and help me keep doing what I need to do to make this position my own. I want all the jumbled puzzle pieces in my mind to untwist its tight grip so I can begin to put this new puzzle together.
So as I share this messed up blog post with you just to get things out of my head I will raise my head and smile because I have learned this too will pass and things will become better because I have God on my side. I will learn all I need to learn and it is just fine to feel as I do.

     I may feel I am at the end of a long rope over a cliff hanging on by the end of a tight knot slowly pulling myself up and instead of keep looking down at the deep valley beneath me if I was to fall, I know I can never let go and this is when I have to try that much harder to pull myself up the rope. Whereas before, you see I always thought I was alone on the rope but now when I look up I know God is holding that rope and instead of me struggling to pull myself up, he is doing it for me.

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