I Want To Talk About Me

If there is therefore any exhortation in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any tender mercies and compassion, make my joy full, by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind; doing nothing through rivalry or through conceit, but in humility, each counting others better than himself; each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others. Philippians 2:1'4 WEB.

After owning a computer business for two decades and spending years taking care of racks of servers and equipment, someone pushed me aside to show me how to re-install a simple program on one of the computers at church one morning. Now, I could have written a similar program, coded the installer, and built a better machine than it was running on from spare parts I had lying around. I felt I had the job covered.

Many thoughts ran through my mind that morning. Sadly, not one of them was good. To put it nicely, I thought something like: "If this idio' er' these people had any idea what I know, they wouldn't have gotten in my way, and we would have been done by now." Eventually, they got the program installed. Though, it pained me to watch them fumble about when I knew what needed to be done.

Later, as I was mulling this over, the Holy Spirit revealed that it made no sense for me to be bothered by this. It's difficult to get volunteers at church for any position that isn't in the spotlight. So someone stepping in to help should be appreciated, even welcomed. Now, I could sit down with my wonderful wife and enjoy the service while they fix broken computers. Yet, that wasn't what I was thinking at the time.

We like to be noticed, respected, important, needed, and in the spotlight. I want to talk about me, how much I know, and what I am doing. Needless to say, when the Holy Spirit revealed that part of me to myself, I had some repenting to do, and I felt like a prize idiot for thinking that way.

God wants us to be balanced. Many of you think too little of yourself, and God wants you to know that is wrong. He loves you, delights in you, and formed you in your mother's womb (Psalms 139:13). You were not an accident but carefully planned through the centuries. If a single person in your family line had died before their time, then you wouldn't be here today. He has carefully prepared you to live in this generation, and He has a plan and a purpose for your life. So don't think too little of yourself, and don't waste the fleeting time He has given you.

On the other hand, I came up as white trailer trash. A despised step-child in abject poverty, number thirteen. In total, I had nine Dads, three Moms, and my parents had more temporary partners than I remember. We had enough step-brothers and sisters to populate a small town by the time they were done. Somehow, I was always the youngest one there, and most referred to me as "Carolyn's boy" with knowing looks. Many never bothered to learn my name before they were gone. I can tell you in intricate detail what an unwanted child feels like.

Yet, God can't use someone who won't let Him, and I really struggled with that. I felt so "worthless" that I would resist Him, like, "I could never do that." Then, after I came to know the Lord better, He began to build me up so that, later, He could raise me up. He doesn't want us to look down on ourselves or our past. It's a new day, and the old has passed away. He can use me, and He can use you. Eventually, the Lord brought me up to balance. Then I began to like my new self a lot, a whole lot, and occasionally, He has had to bring me back down. God is faithful to bring us discipline when needed (Hebrews 12:7).

It's so obvious, looking backward, that God wanted to bring things into balance. He brings the lowly up, and He brings the prideful down. At church that morning, He brought some more deep-rooted pride and selfish ambition to the surface. Now, their actions may not have been right, but I am only responsible for my actions and not theirs.

Resist the temptation to always talk about yourself. Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent (Proverbs 17:28). So let others push you aside and enjoy the free time it gives you. They can work on all the computers in the world now (except mine), and I would happily let them.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, please bring my life and my view of myself into proper balance. Help me be grounded and stable in You, neither too high nor too low. Give me a clear vision of what You have for me, and help me live my life here to the fullest in Your presence. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen!

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