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Why do I doubt? 11/6/16

  • Why do I doubt?

    John 20:24-29

    Jesus said to him,“Thomas,because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

    Where do I begin with my own doubt, disbelief, I believe, help my unbelief. When you are living by the brook and God feeds you with Ravens stuffed with meat and bread for you, and you drink from the brook, that is total trust in God to meet your need cause you have no idea where your sustenance is going to come from.

    1 Kings 17:6

    The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening; and he drank from the brook. ( The whole chapter is really good)

    My trip the other day to the independent living center was very helpful (11/2/16). When I went in, Spoke to Bill Duncan, Independent Living Coordinator. I had to fill out paperwork. They wrote me checks, addressed to the drug stores that have my prescriptions with the exact amount. I can now get them filled for next month. Bill was very helpful, he has been in the spot where I am at, he was very helpful in directing me. Told me to stay away from the shelters, they have people who are really bad off, and you will come out of there really messed up. ( That was good to know) but He did direct me to Roanoke Rescue Mission for food. They said they a lot of supply.

    I was directed to speak with Rob Roberts after I spoke with Bill, he represents Social Security Disability, Advocacy. I told him what I knew about where I was with the Disability paperwork. He says they are right on time. It could be 4-6 months before I hear anything back. And if it gets delayed in December, because of Christmas, because of people taking vacations, then it could take another 2 months on top of that. I was not very encouraged, yet encouraged that now I had someone whom I could speak with concerning this. It all depends on what they think of my situation. My age is in my benefit he said. They look at can I work. Is my disability really a disability. Disibility hopes you will give up perusing it so they wont have to pay you. ( I can only trust God to work the impossible)

    On Friday, when the mail came, there was a small envelope addressed to me. I opened it and found note and a $20.00 bill. This dear woman, recently had her husband leave her because of her disability. She lives on a fixed income, but sacrificed for me and sent me this money. I was able to put more gas in the car and buy a few items at the grocery store. She lives in Norfolk, Va. We have never met. I am apart of an online ministry, Refreshing Hope Ministry, I have a pain group I lead on the site. It is called the Valley of Pain. This woman is in my group. I helped her several months back when she needed some resources when her husband left her. I sent her several web links which she found very helpful.

    In between all of that, I had to call my car insurance company to see when they would be canceling my policy. This would mean I would not be able to drive the car uninsured. I had until November 17th. I have done all kinds of things to bring my amount down, like going paperless, believe it or not getting the bill in the mail is included in the price of your payment. I changed my policy around a bit and I was asking Becka, the woman I was speaking to about just Liability. She could not really give me the answer to that question, because it was a decision I had to make. So I said, I would call my mechanic and ask him. Since he knows me, and my car, and he is the owner of the car shop, he would give me the best advice for me. I told her I would call her back and let her know.

    I have gone to this car shop now for six years. John has always been kind to me. When I could not pay a bill, he let me put it on an invoice. Pay what you can he would say. I have trusted him to tell me the truth of what was wrong with my car, what really needed to be done and what could wait. Just a month ago, on my way out in the early afternoon, my car would not start. I called Johns shop and asked for him. The receptionist said he was not in, but would give him the message. Well, in a few minutes, a truck pulled into my apartment complex, it was John to the rescue. He calls me Sweet Pea, don't know where he got that from, but I giggle each time. I told him the situation, and he got in the car and said it was the battery. The truck he was driving, he was testing it for another customer, and God just happened to have a pair of jumper cables in the back seat. So John jumped my battery, then said, follow me to the shop and we will fix you right up. John let me go first, he followed behind me to make sure I was ok. I got to the shop, and he took me right in. Put a new battery in. I told him I would have to pay him the next day, that I had to move money ( that God had already provided). He said no problem. On the bill, he did not charge me for labor, this is not the first time he has been generous like this. Once I went in, I said I needed new wipers, he forgot to get them on, so when the car was out and in the lot, he said, you are getting your wipers for free today. I went back the next day, when I had moved the money for the battery and paid John and gave him a hug. He is a precious man with a heart that belongs to the Lord.

    Any way I told you all that to show you what kind of man John is. So yesterday ( Friday 11/4), I called and left a message with the receptionist. She would have John call me back. When I got on the phone with John, he said, whats up Sweet Pea? I began to tell him about my car, the insurance, and that in a few weeks it would be canceled and I would not be able to drive it. I was just being a matter of fact, and my call was really about having just liability, would that help lower my insurance. We spoke about this, he recommend, liability and comprehensive, knowing my car how old it is etc. He said this would lower the monthly payments quite a bit. He made sure he had my correct address and email address . We spoke a few more minutes then I thanked him for his help. I called the Insurance company, told them my changes, and with what John told me, I kept towing, Liability and comprehensive, and that would lower my 60.00 payment to $41.94 for December ( that is if I could pay the last two payments before they cancel my policy.

    I felt confident with with Johns advice. Now I just had to trust God to work it all out. None of this time is in my control.

    On a little devotional, from back in August of 2014 I found in a journal, I reread it the other day, this is what it said when I read it on October 3, 2016.

    Small Straws;

    Set yourself apart from all turmoil, and dedicate yourself to My purposes and the assurance that I know you; I know your name, your current situation, and your challenges. I have heard your prayers. Be at peace and trust Me to lead you through the maze of circumstances that you now face. Do not be afraid; I am with you, says the Lord, and I will show you the way.

    Isaiah 49;15-16 “can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before me.

    I have read that before bed every night for days.

    Well, last night, Nov. 4thth, was no different than others. I went to bed at 5:30 pm. By the time we have dinner, my pain has taken over and I have to go to bed.

    It would be a few hours later when I had to get up to use the bathroom, that Asher dashed down the hall to meet and tell me we had a visitor. We never have visitors, we just don't. Any way, Asher said that John stopped by, he asked for me and Asher told him I was in bed. John said, well good for her. He told Asher that he was worried about me. He gave Asher the envelope and said this was incase of a lean winter. He asked Asher if he was working yet, Asher said no. So Asher and I stood in the hall way and he handed me the envelope, Asher had not opened it. So I opened it and stood in AWE just stunned as we counted out $400.00 cash. I was shocked. I went back to bed with praises on my lips, each time I woke up, I sang songs of praise as I drifted back to sleep. I thanked God for his provision.

    With that $400.00, I would be able to double pay my car insurance, it wont be canceled, I will be able to double pay my verizon bill, so I wont lose the phone. I will be able to pay my cox bill and Electric. All that comes to $306.31. That leaves a balance of $93.69. This amount left over can pay for laundry, and get the taxable items needed to resupply the items like Toilet Paper, toothpaste, bath soap, laundry soap etc. And put more gas in the car .God has met our needs once again.

    We ask that God double Bless John for his generosity, but we also ask God to double bless all those who have helped us over the course of this year. I want to thank all of you , who are reading this, that have helped us. It was your tender heart towards Gods whispers to help us that have gotten us through .

    We all want to be more like Jesus. We all say we want to do it HIS way. But when you lose it all, when you are sitting by the brook with the I don't knows, will you still trust HIM to work it out? When you run out of your prescriptions with no money to pay for them, will you still cling to the scripture, But my God shall supply? What will you do when you have ¼ of a tank of gas in your car, with no visible means for more, how will you handle that? What will you do when you only have eggs to eat?

    I remember a story, bits and pieces. It was said it was winter and at night, a man was grumbling or something and talking with God. He wanted more of something. Well, this man heard God speak to him. He said, I want you to buy a gallon of milk and I will show you where to bring it. The man was confused, but he bought the milk. God gave him the directions and the man went. He was frustrated, it was now snowing and he could not see the numbers well. But still moving forward, God guided him to a home, this man thought to himself this is ridiculous as he knocked on the door. All the lights were out he figured no one was home. A man finally answered the door, as the door was opened, the man with the gallon of milk stood on the front step, he heard a baby crying loudly, the wife called to her husband and asked who it was, the man said your prayers were just answered. The man on the front step, knew then why God had him buy the milk and deliver it.

    God knows exactly where we are, exactly what we are going through, exactly what we need at exactly the time we need it. I can't imagine the feelings of this family who held a precious infant in their arms with no way to feed him. But GOD SENT:

    You may be on the edge of a cliff, or sitting by the brook wondering if you can catch fish by hand..You may feel like you are on a desert island surrounded by an ocean with no rescue in sight.

    Our lives, are not our own if we want to live for Christ.

    These next two months are the most joyful months, at least they are supposed to be. Lots of food, lots of music, lots of family, lots of gift giving. But it is not so for all of us. Some will spend it on the streets under newspaper for blankets. Some will die right there. There are many Seniors who live alone with no family. This time of year brings me HOPE, brings me JOY, and brings me a closer walk with Lord. I owe HIM MY LIFE ! Please listen for God's whispers when it comes to helping others, you might just be saving an infant from starvation.

    We are far from being out of the woods yet, but God continues to light the path before us. As we continue to follow behind him, we can feel the blanket of his love wrapped all around us.

    This does not mean we wont be afraid, or anxious, or doubt, or disbelief during times of adversity and deep trials. It means we are human, it means we have to trust what God says, what He promises to all of His children will come to pass and that those who look into our lives and see God at work, will be encouraged at His mighty hand upon our lives. We are all going through something, we all need the HOPE to hang on for God's perfect timing in our lives.

    We may have to lose it all in order to gain it all.

    He's Alive, He's Alive, Praise God He's Alive !!!!!!!!


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3 comments
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Roseanne Braverman
Roseanne Braverman

So inspiring, thank you for sharing.  May God continue to guide you and provide for you and Asher.  And may he abundantly bless John and his family. 

November 6, 2016
  • 1
Leslie McLea
Leslie McLea

Thank you Rosenne for reading it. Thank you for your prayers. If we can inspire others because of the journey we are on, then it helps others to keep going, and that is not what the enemy wants. All the praised go to God, it is HIM I hope always elumanates in my life. 

November 6, 2016
  • 1
Sylvia Todd
Sylvia Todd

Thank you for that encouraging post, Leslie! His plans are truly amazing!

November 8, 2016